In this episode of Translating ADHD, hosts Ash and Dusty delve into Dusty’s personal journey with ADHD, exploring her path from diagnosis to becoming an influential ADHD coach. Dusty shares her early experiences and the revelation that came when she realized she might have ADHD, alongside reflections on her family dynamics and how they shaped her understanding of herself. Through her candid storytelling, she highlights the importance of self-acceptance and the challenges she faced in structured environments, ultimately leading her to embrace her authentic self and share those insights with others.
As the conversation unfolds, Dusty discusses her unique approach to coaching, emphasizing the significance of curiosity and connection in her practice. She reflects on how her identity and life experiences influence her coaching style, which includes modeling vulnerability and emotional regulation for her clients. This episode serves as a heartfelt introduction to Dusty as a new voice in the podcast, inviting listeners to join her on a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and empowerment in the context of ADHD.
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Episode Transcript:
[00:00:00] Ash: Hi, I’m Ash. [00:00:01] Dusty: And I’m Dusty. [00:00:02] Ash: And this is Translating ADHD. Wow, that was a little weird. It was a little weird for it not to be Cam. But, Dusty, I am so stoked to have you here for Season 3 of Translating ADHD. Listeners, a lot of you are already familiar with Dusty Chipura. She’s a huge presence on Twitter and has an incredibly unique voice when it comes to ADHD.When we were talking about what we might talk about today in introducing Dusty, one of the things that came up is self-acceptance, and we’re going to talk more about that in a minute. But Dusty, one of the things I want to say to you is I think you model that so beautifully, that’s one of your strengths as an ADHD coach is you’re just so relentlessly yourself. And that’s something in the time that I’ve known you as a coaching colleague and a friend that I’ve always drawn inspiration from.
[00:01:02] Dusty: Oh, thank you. It’s one of those things where you have to take a weakness and turn it into a strength because there’s just unfortunately no other option. Just can’t hide all of this. So, I’ve tried. [00:01:15] Ash: Say more about that. [00:01:17] Dusty: How much time do you have? No, but I I think I just have a really big personality, but also I kind of just have to do things the way that I have to do them, and it’s always been that way. So in environments that are really structured or where I have to do things a certain other way, I’ve just always had like a hard time.And so I’ve always found that it’s easier for me to align myself with situations where I can do things the way that I need to do them. Because I’m just sort of maybe not super capable of fitting into those boxes in certain situations.
[00:01:49] Ash: Yeah. So today’s episode is really all about letting our listeners get to know you a little bit before we get into topical episodes for the rest of the season. So let’s just talk more about your own journey.You’re learning that you have ADHD, but not necessarily knowing what that meant.
[00:02:12] Dusty: Oh, where should I start with that? Should I start from the very beginning? So many directions to go. Okay, so I guess I’ll just start by saying, yeah, so I’m Dusty. I’m from the Lower Mainland of British Columbia. I just want to take a minute to acknowledge that I live on the unceded traditional territory of the Coast Salish people, including the Catse, Kwantlen, and Semiahmu First Nations.So that’s where I’m coming from. Big thanks to them. And so I guess I first knew…when did I learn that I had ADHD? When I was in college, and I was in my early 20s, my brother was diagnosed with ADHD quite young, and he was like one of the kind of like first, you know, first generation of boys on Ritalin in the 80s kind of thing.
So we always knew that he had ADHD. And when he had kids, his son was diagnosed with ADHD. And I think at one point the person I was married to and I were just talking about how my dad is so unmanageable, like you just cannot get this man out the door on time. And I was saying like, oh, I bet you anything that my dad has undiagnosed ADHD.
And this was long before we knew or had heard anything about ADHD being like, genetic or heritable. But I was just noticing, you know, oh, it seems like it runs in my family. And I said to the person I was married at the time oh, do you think that I have ADHD? And he was like, oh yeah. And I was like, no, are you kidding, right? And he was like, yeah, I think so. It really seems that way. So I went and got a diagnosis, and then they were like, yeah, you have ADHD, and I was like, oh.
[00:03:43] Ash: It sounds like it was a surprise to you at first. [00:03:47] Dusty: Yeah, it was a big surprise because I think I’ve had a lifetime of not realizing how different I am in a lot of aspects, like the older I get, the more I realize that I come from a very unusual family system as well. And I grew up like kind of, you know, in a very sort of like poor blue collar way with like lots of like trauma and alcoholism. And you know, cops come and knock at your door, and I’m like Oh, that’s just everybody has that. And my friends were like no Dusty, everyone does not have that.I was talking to Danny Donovan recently, and I was describing how I used to play in this abandoned junkyard. She’s like, that’s it Dusty. She’s like you’re a junkyard dog child. That’s what you are. And I’m like Okay, because I had no idea like I thought, you know, I don’t know. But anyway, so it was a big surprise to me. Yeah,
[00:04:34] Ash: So then what happened? [00:04:35] Dusty: Well, I remember at the time I had really struggled with keeping jobs. Like I would get jobs, get bored of them, quit them. I had boyfriends, you know, tons of boyfriends. I would date them, get bored of them, quit them. And so I was struggling at work to stay engaged once the, you know, novelty of the job had worn off.And I had been really, really good at this job. It was in fundraising because fundraising is so interesting because you’re like talking to people and you’re just having good conversations. And then you’re sort of like compelling them to, you know, donate. And I was really good at that. And when I stopped being good at it then I went and got the diagnosis and I was also in university at the time. So I was prescribed Dexedrine just for like work, basically. So I would take it as needed to focus at school or at work. And that was about it for many years.
Like, that all, as far as I knew, like ADHD just, impacted, like, my focus and my distraction. And that was, like, really the sort of boundaries of what I thought it was about until I was in my early 30s. And I had always had really difficult relationships. Like, I would have very stormy relationships with people where, you know, I’d be super, super close with people, then have a big conflict, lots of rejection sensitivity, have big blowouts.
But I also had this problem where I would often, like, take something the wrong way and, like, make it a huger deal than it was supposed to be and then get really embarrassed. So I had an incident like this with some friends where I, like, blew something way out of proportion, and I was sure that they hated me. So I unfriended them on Facebook.
And then it turned out that it was, like, a misunderstanding, but then I had unfriended them on Facebook, so then I had to explain to them why I had unfriended them. And, like, this guy’s grandma had recently died and that’s why he was distant, so I had to explain to his girlfriend that I took that really personally, and she was like, oh my God, his grandma died, why would you make that about yourself?
And I was like, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so sorry! And so I started doing all this research, like, why am I so paranoid? Like, what’s wrong with me? And I came across an article, I don’t know where it was, it was probably Attitude magazine or something, but it was about rejection sensitivity. And, like, for a lot of people, it was hugely impactful to be like, oh my God, like, there’s a name for this? This is, like, an actual thing? This makes so much sense. And It also was just like mind blowing that it was like part of my ADHD, like I had never considered that these two things were related.
So I think that was kind of the crack in the door where I started being like, okay, well what else could be related to my ADHD? And then starting to learn from there, I really came to realize that a lot of the things that I thought of as, you know, personality flaws, you know, and personal failings were actually like executive dysfunction related, like my inability to, you know, keep things clean. I kind of knew that my struggles with time management were related to that, but struggling to, be emotionally regulated, that all of these things had sort of a common denominator..
[00:07:13] Ash: How did you get from there to where you are now? And listeners, where Dusty is now, she is an ADHD coach. And I remember you being on kind of the forefront of the ADHD Twitter thing that was happening several years ago, where we went, like, there was this just shift in the dialogue in so many ways on Twitter.That was also around the time that Cam and I came up with the concept for this show. Danny Donovan, who is a comic, was starting to gain traction. Rene Brooks was starting to gain traction. All of a sudden, there were these new voices talking about what ADHD actually is, looks like, what it’s like to live in this brain, which is very different than reading a list of clinical symptoms.
Yes, we suck at being on time, at cleaning, at being consistent, at staying at a job once the novelty has worn off. Why? And that’s the conversation that was starting to happen. So, tell me about the space between this path of self discovery for yourself and pivoting that into a passion for working with other people with ADHD.
[00:08:47] Dusty: So after that whole thing happened with my friend where we had the falling out, and I realized about, like, rejection sensitivity, at that point, like Facebook was like the main social media medium. And I kind of already was used to posting in a very like, Oh, what if Danny talks about this? Oh, the art of self disclosure. Like I had a a lot of self disclosure that I did on Facebook because I had previously been like a musician. And so I would talk a lot on Facebook just about how I was feeling, like what was going on in my life.I was never like shy about sharing personal stuff. And so I started doing more research and learning more things about ADHD and then sharing them on Facebook and just like talking about what I was learning about myself basically, right? Like, oh, I’ve realized that this is why I’m struggling with this and like this is how ADHD makes this hard. And so I’m trying to do this and this now. Like I was just talking about myself.
And so friends would basically comment on that and be like, oh my God, like your posts, I’m finding your posts so helpful. Like I have ADHD, too. So it kind of just started out as me talking about myself on Facebook to my friends, my friends responding.
At that time I was managing a liquor store and I would have a couple friends in the neighborhood and they would come in and we would have conversations about what their struggles were. And I would speak to them about like some of the, I was like, Oh, well, you know, I’ve actually read about this and da da da. And then from there, I think then I kind of started talking more about that stuff. Like just about myself on Twitter.
[00:10:13] Ash: You said you were doing research. Where were you finding information at that time that was helping you bridge that gap between the clinical stuff that isn’t helpful, you procrastinate, you’re not on time, etc. Yes. Hi. I know these things to this more introspective awareness building way of looking at your ADHD. [00:10:38] Dusty: Yeah. Well, cause this was before I think like people were talking about it on Twitter. And by the way, thank you so much for saying that because I feel like people don’t know this about me because now I’m like a very small potatoes when it comes to content creation. Like there’s so many creators that are like way, way, way bigger than me on Twitter and TikTok.But like, thank you for validating that because I was, like, among that first group of people talking about ADHD on Twitter and then also like on TikTok. I wasn’t like the first, but I remember looking at TikTok and searching ADHD, and there was just like a couple of like young kids talking about, like teenagers, talking about like, like, oh, my ADHD thing.
And there was like nothing. And, but at that time I had a young baby. And so my intention had been to like start creating content on TikTok. And , I logged back in six months later. And suddenly like there’s Katiosaurus and like everybody talking about ADHD. And I was like, ah! But I was there for that, but I feel like no one remembers now because my content creation game is not very strong. So that makes me feel good about myself.
Anyway so where I was looking at that time, I think I was literally just Googling and probably a lot of that information came from like Attitude Magazine and then just other online sources like that. Because there wasn’t really this grassroots ADHD community like there is now. There was also like ADHD Reddit and then I got on Twitter after seeing like, yeah, Danny Donovan. But also one of the earliest people that I saw on Twitter talking about ADHD was Erin Brooke, who is still active on Twitter. Erin Brooke had this really lovely ability to, like, do threads where she would tell a story. And I started seeing her tweets. They would get, like, sort of screenshot and turned into, like, you know, a series of photos, like, on Facebook and shared around.
And I think that’s probably how I made the transition from like Facebook to Twitter, and I think Erin was one of the earliest people talking about ADD, and then later I went on to become her coach.
[00:12:35] Ash: I think it’s really interesting that for you, content creation and awareness building went hand in hand. It’s something that you started doing for yourself, for your own understanding. And you know as a coach, the power of putting language to our lived experiences. Getting it out of your head in one way or another, be it talking about it, be it writing about it, can really help make sense of it in a new way.At what point did that start to pivot to a career choice? How did you get introduced to the idea, especially back then when ADHD coaching was much more of a cottage industry than it is now?
[00:13:28] Dusty: I think one of the things that people liked about the content I was creating is that I wasn’t afraid to like, again, like talk about how much I sucked or like things that I screwed up or my frustrations with myself. And I think one of the things that primarily people really appreciated about the Twitter threads that I did is I talked a lot about like emotional dysregulation and what that looks like turned inward. And sort of self loathing and self frustration and like trying to work through that and figure that out.And that’s exactly it, right? I think I was talking about it to figure it out. And you know, there is sort of like this newer generation of like ADHD content creators now, but I think a lot of the like old guard, you know, I heard there’s a guy, his name is Ron Capalbo, he’s on TikTok, and he was talking about this as well, that he likes when he got on TikTok and started making content. He was often just like asking questions because he wanted to understand, right?
As opposed to say, like, positioning yourself as like an expert, you know, so that you can sell your coaching services. Which is like, we sort of see that in the like, second wave of like ADHD influencers, right? And like, no, no shade. I’m just saying, you know, like, it’s different. And so, for me, like, at that time, so I mentioned I was working at this liquor store, and I had been in this band, and the band, like, crashed and burned, and I was, like, really burned out, like as an artist and a musician. And I was in a very, like, very unhealthy relationship, and I was trying to get pregnant, even though it was such an unhealthy relationship, whatever. And I didn’t know what to do with myself because I’d had this very, like, in terms of a formal career, like I had, you know, I had a degree in like anthropology, and I had worked in like fundraising, and I didn’t want to be an anthropologist or a fundraiser.
And I was like, I don’t know what to do with myself. So I was trying to think about kind of like what I was going to do for work, because I didn’t want to keep working at a liquor store. And then I got pregnant, and I knew I was going to be having, like, maternity leave. And then I wanted to kind of use that to, you know, pivot careers and figure out what I was going to do next.
So I was thinking about all these different things, and I was like should I briefly considered should I be a lawyer and go to law school? No, probably not. I already have a problem with workaholism. That’s probably a bad idea. Should I be a real estate agent because I’m really good at like selling things to people, and I’d like to make some money and work on my own schedule? Yes, but I find real estate really boring, and I’m bad at numbers. Should I work with seniors because I’m very caring, and I have a big heart and I care about vulnerable groups of people? Yes, but I feel like that’s gonna burn me out. And also, like, not very well paid, and I’m gonna have a really heavy caseload.
Like, I sort of, like, was tossing all these different directions I could go in. And my brother’s son, my nephew, he had been going through some really hard times in school. He had a really hard time with teachers and authority figures, you know, just seeing the worst in him, right? Like seeing behavioral issues. And he’s like a really sweet, smart, sensitive kid. Like, he’s a great guy. And I could see how he disengaged from the school system. And he just became like angry and surly, and he was like, you know, he didn’t want to be in school and he like didn’t, you know, care.
You know, he’s just like, I could see how school kind of failed him, right? And I kept in touch with his mom. And his mom was trying to get some supports for him. And I said, well, have you considered getting him an ADHD coach? And I think I had just like read about it in like Attitude magazine. I think maybe my ex, like my partner at the time, had like mentioned it to me, like, oh, hey, have you heard about this thing, ADHD coaching? I can’t remember. It came in one of these formats.
And so I was asking her, like, have you thought about getting him an ADHD coach? She said she didn’t know what that was. So I looked it up in the city they lived in, in a different province in Canada. There were two coaches in the entire city. That’s it, just two. So I was kind of like, huh, like wonder if that’s like, if there’s maybe like a gap in the market.
So I looked in Vancouver and there was like one in Vancouver, and it was like this older man. And just didn’t really resonate with me when I looked at his website. I was like, it’s not really sort of like the guy that I would open up to. So I was like, okay, you know what? I’m going to do that. And at the time, I think like a lot of young new ADHD coaches because I was reading so much about ADHD, and I was like really interested in it. Like I was hyper focusing on it, and I was giving out lots of advice.
I thought, oh yeah, I’m going to give people advice, right? That’s what everybody thinks ADHD coaching is before you’ve actually done it. So I looked at the options for getting school because you know, you don’t have to be it’s an unregulated industry. You don’t have to get any training, but I’m very much like a rules person. So I’m like, I want to make sure I’m doing it right.
And so I decided to basically use my maternity leave money to pay for school. And funny story, I had to actually renege on my student loan payments and like default on my student loans to pay for coaching school. I was like, okay, I have X amount of dollars per month. I can either pay for coaching school or I can pay back my student loan. Sorry government of Canada.
But so I kind of took a big chance, right? And I was like, a new mom and I was attending online classes and like putting all my like maternity leave money into schooling. And I went to ADDCA and I really liked their training, and I recommend them to people, and I enjoyed it.
And of course I learned there that coaching is not just telling people what to do and giving them advice. In fact, exactly the opposite. And so again, I was like, I don’t know if I’ll be good at it. But then I just started trying. I just started my business after my training was over and my daughter was born. And again, like I, I didn’t know if I would be good at it. But again, I guess that I am because I’m still here. And, and that’s the story.
[00:18:56] Ash: Think you should give yourself a little more credit than I guess that I am because I’m still here. But before I say more about that, I actually just want to come back to the fact that you were getting paid for maternity leave working at a liquor store because that’s something that would never happen in the United States. [00:19:14] Dusty: Yeah. [00:19:14] Ash: That captured my attention as a… [00:19:16] Dusty: And the thing is, in Canada at the time you could take up to 12 months maternity leave. But just as I was taking it, they changed the law so that if I had been pregnant six months later, in Canada now you can choose to take 12 months at 50 percent, 80 percent of your normal wage or 18 months at 33 percent of your normal wage. So I could have taken 18 months. But I mean that also depends on your wage, right? And there’s like a maximum, like if you’re like a CEO making millions, you know, you don’t get like 33 percent of that. There’s like a max, there’s a ceiling but, but yeah, the maternity y’all have the most bizarre and strange maternity leave situation. But in most parts of the world, we have this thing called maternity leave. And you get paid to do it. [00:19:59] Ash: We have a thing here they call maternity leave, but it definitely doesn’t look like what it looks like in other parts of the world. So let’s come back to my challenge of, well, I guess I’m still good at it. Tell me what you think your strengths are as a coach. [00:20:14] Dusty: Well, I think that I appeal to a very particular demographic. I think, again, largely in part of that, in part because of that self disclosure style and what you kind of said at the beginning I’m just, sort of can’t help but be myself.And so I like to think that I’m like redefining professionalism. And in doing so, I like to think that I’m representing what it means to present as like a neurodivergent person who can both exist within these structures without having to do things in a way that’s like harmful or not sustainable, right?
So, for example, you know I have a very alternative like, look. I have a lot of tattoos, and I have colored hair. And often when I’m with my clients, I’m not really I’m okay at, but I’m not super great at like moderating language. So there’s, you know, I’m like dropping some F bombs. And I come from, I’m sort of like Cishet, but I sort of, I’m queer, and so I just sort of exist within a lot of queer spaces. And most of my friends are like trans and queer and left wing feminists and, that’s my background when I’m like not, you know, at work. And I think people kind of pick up on that, right?
So one of my earliest clients was based in Vancouver, and she saw the same ADHD coach guy, again nothing against him, but we both, you know, there’s one guy in Vancouver, and he’s like a middle aged white dude, and she took a look at his website, and she’s yeah, he’s like, you know, and then she found me, and she’s, she said the reason she picked me is because, you know, I’m like a young woman, and she felt a little bit more like that would be a better fit for her. So I think that my identity is helpful in situating and making a lot of people comfortable.
But also, you know, it was a surprise. In my day to day life, I’m not sure that my friends would describe me as a good listener. So it’s like actually kind of shocking to me that I’m a good coach because coaching is a lot of listening.
But I think that what makes me a really good coach is that I think I’m a really natural diagnostician. Even though I’m not a mechanic, my dad was a mechanic, and like, if we’re driving together in a car and I hear a sound of the car, I can usually be like, yeah, that’s your serpentine belt or whatever. Right. And I’m nine times out of 10, Asher, I’m right. Even though I like barely know anything about mechanics.
And so when I’m listening to people, I feel like I’m able to find questions and areas of curiosity that also kind of, you know, in my brain like little areas are lighting up when I’m hearing them talking about things. And I’m like, oh, maybe this is like about that, and I wonder if this is related to that, right?
And I’m not here to be like, well, you know, let me explain to you why you’re doing this, but like more hey, do you think that this and this thing and that thing are like related. And people are like, oh my God. So I think being a bit of a natural diagnostician is helpful.
But also one of my strengths is curiosity, right? Which is what made me such a good fundraiser when I was, I’m not a good sales person. I’m really curious about people. And so when I was fundraising, it’s really intimidating to ask a stranger for money, especially say it’s like a guy in a suit. And so what I would do to kind of get over the intimidation of having to like, ask strangers for money, is I would just play a game where I wanted to get really curious about them and find out everything I could about them. And then see if any of those things that they said about themselves I could loop around into well, here’s why you should care about this charity. And like, oh, well, you mentioned that dadada and you know what? Actually, here’s how that works perfectly with this thing I’d like you to do right? And so I think it’s a little bit of that.
I’m a naturally very curious person. So when people are telling me about themselves, I really want to know, right? If you’re having a hard time doing the laundry and you figured out a way to get yourself to do the laundry, I am genuinely interested in what you did, right? Like I’m really curious.
And so I think that makes people feel seen and heard and cared about. And even though I have ADHD, and I have a terrible memory when I’m listening to people tell these stories about themselves, even if it’s just about how they did the laundry or how they got themselves to be a better parent to their child. Like no matter the magnitude of what it is they were doing, I’m genuinely interested, and those things would stick with me.
So the next time I would talk to those people or down the road, like I don’t even have to take notes, That information gets in there, right? So, three months from now, I’m talking to somebody that I’ve been talking to for a while, and they are, you know, they’re struggling with something, and I’m like, oh yeah, but remember how you did that thing where you figured out that stuff with the laundry? And they’ll be like, oh my god, that’s right, I did, right? And so it’s interesting because I can hold onto all of that for them. Like I can sort of hold their victories.
And the other strength that I have is that I am like a very loving person. Like I have a lot of people in my life that I care a lot about. And I mean, I’m sure everybody thinks of themselves as a loving person, but I have a lot of love to give. And so each one of my clients I genuinely care a lot about. I really love them. I like see them. I’m so stoked on them as people that I think what I bring in a coaching capacity is that I’m always reflecting back at them, like what’s so cool about them, what their victories are.
And because I’m able to remember, you know, how they solve these problems, I, you know, it’s like, you come to coaching with me, and not only am I reminding you that you solved all these problems, and I’m like, here’s the receipts, I remember you doing this, but I’m like pumping your tires. That’s a very Canadian saying. I don’t know if you guys say that in the States, but we say like, oh yeah, I’m gonna pump your tires. Means, you know, I’m gonna make you feel good about yourself. I’m in here pumping people’s tires, right. I’m curious about them.
And I know I’m getting a bit wordy in my answer here, but, like, I think I sort of have two main coaching mentors and one is coach Jay Perry, who was my mentor coach at ADDCA. And the other is Cam Gott, right. Even though I like, I never coached with Cam. I don’t even know how I found Cam, but just like everything about how he does coaching resonated with me. Because Jay is very, he has one style of coaching, but he does not do structure at all. And early on that was so frustrating to me cause I just didn’t have, I need some structure. And he like kind of, I couldn’t quite understand my need for that, and then I feel like Cam is like all structure. Like he has some really good frameworks that I use in my coaching, and I feel like the structures that Cam uses help me to tap into that diagnostic mindset, and the like, free form of how Jay does this very like masterful coaching around who Jay’s whole thing is like wonder and curiosity, right?
And so I think when you marry like curiosity with structure It becomes this very powerful coaching framework where I can let people lead, but I’m also gathering all this data. And I’m like, hey I’m not going to tell you who you are or what’s going on, but is this maybe the thing? Is this helpful to you? And then people are like, yes.
So I think it’s kind of all of that. But then also that art of self disclosure, right? A lot of people find me through my social media. So they may be more than other coaches, I’m just guessing here, they might feel like they know me a little bit more on a personal level. And that’s hard, like it’s very nuanced. And I take this responsibility really seriously to maintain like the balance of coach and client, right? Like you’re someone’s coach. You’re not their friend. They’re not your coach. They’re not your therapist.
So when you self disclose in a coaching capacity and when you talk about to people about yourself, there has to always be a purpose behind it, right? Like you’re sharing personal information for cause it’s their session and it’s their stuff that they’re working on. It’s not about you. So you never want to center yourself at the same time. I find that for my clients, it is like so helpful for them to see me like model these things and talk about my own struggles.
And so for example – because I said at the beginning I feel like I’m redefining professionalism – sometimes I struggle with lateness and being on time to sessions, right? And so what I’ve done is say if I have a 50-minute session, I’ll tell people, Okay, usually our session will start at the top of the hour, and it’ll go for 50 minutes, and then we’ll stop 10 minutes early. But sometimes, because I’m a single parent, and time is my big struggle, sometimes we’ll start the session 10 minutes late and I’ll let you know in advance by texting you. But you will still get your full 50 minutes even if I’m 10 minutes late, you’re going to get your 50 minutes.
If I sometimes forget a session cause I’ve scheduled it at a weird time, which has happened, I will make sure that you get, like when you coach with me, you get my full attention. You get the time that you’ve paid for. Like you get everything that you get. It just, also, like I might be like a bit of a hot mess. Like I might. And if I forget, I’ll own up to it. I’ll be like, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I totally had an ADHD moment.
So I’m also like modeling, I think, what it looks like to practice self-forgiveness in action. And practice like self-acceptance while still like showing up, while still like giving a hundred percent like, you know, giving what you like doing what you said you were gonna do. All that stuff.
[00:28:28] Ash: Dusty, I love what you just described there is the intersection of what’s uniquely you, diagnostician, that identity piece and who you are, and also a couple of elements that I think just make good ADHD coaches, period, right?You’re a diagnostician. I don’t have that on board. I would say for me, I’m a storyteller. What have I done historically for the last five years of this show. I’m mostly talking about my own ADHD or my client’s ADHD. I’m telling human stories. That’s what I do in my coaching sessions. When I hear something that makes me think of another client, I share, Ooh, I’ve got another client that has something similar. And again, without being attached to it. But let me share their story with you, and let’s see if that resonates or not.
So that’s uniquely you, those two pieces. But the curiosity and the modeling, coaches, if you’re listening, curiosity and modeling are huge. Modeling is something I learned from Cam.
I hired him as my ADHD coach. I was already, ironically, in coach training when I learned I had ADHD. And I reached out to Cam in a fit of desperation because I couldn’t out organize my ADHD. That wasn’t working anymore. I really didn’t have a lot of faith in the process at the time, and it took us a while to find a groove because I so admired Cam as a person that I was holding back as a client.
And I’ve told this story on the show before, so I won’t repeat the long version again, but the short version is the way that he got me to open up was by sharing what’s real for him, by showing me that he too is a flawed and imperfect human, that he too is still struggling with ADHD, that he has those moments of shame and feeling bad about himself.
That made it safe. That made it safe for me. And so it’s interesting that you bring up identity because my coaching practice has evolved a little bit since I came out. That identity piece of being trans and being openly queer, even though nothing else has changed, has kind of opened a new demographic for me because it is such a vulnerable thing to talk unfiltered about what’s going on in your brain, what it’s like to live in your head.
And there is something really comforting about being able to do that with someone, you know, you can trust. And when you share multiple identities, especially identities like being trans, where if you don’t share that lived experience, can’t assume that you know anything about it. And I spend so much of my time otherwise explaining that to people that I don’t want to have to do that in a coaching capacity, that it just creates some nice shortcuts there. And I know you notice this too.
One of the things that really encouraged me at last year’s international conference on ADHD – and I hadn’t been to one since 2019 between the pandemic and my own life along the way – is diversity is up so much. From when you and I first entered this field, and it was largely cishet white men. And no hate to cishet white men. Cam Gott is a cishet white man, and we both consider him one of the most important mentors we’ve had in our own coaching careers.
So, not knocking you, men who are coaches who are listening to this, but just illustrating the importance of diversity. And how identity is such a big part of what happens in ADHD coaching. Because, as I tell my clients all the time, your context matters. And identity is such a big part of context.
[00:33:01] Dusty: It’s interesting you say that because yeah, like for me, you know, obviously both my sort of like mentor coaches were like white men. And I didn’t, and this is the thing right in a coaching capacity for me that was fine, right? I was like, oh, yeah, that’s fine.But then as a musician. So, you know, I was sharing earlier in my story that I kind of, you know, went through this big crash and burn. I took this big step back from music and for years I thought, I’ll never play music again. And then I slowly wanted to dip my toe in and start getting back into it. But it was like very, there was like a lot of trauma for me.
And what I ultimately did is I ended up starting two bands, all of which are female, most of which are moms. And okay, coaching wise, it was fine for me to have cishet white men as my trust people. But when it came to making music as an artist and create, in a creative space, I have to tell you playing music with only women is such a game changer.
And I had previously only played music with dudes, except for one, one girl. And so it’s different, right? And so for some people, it’s just, everyone’s different. And for some people, they’re not gonna fit in. It’s just not going to be the right fit unless they have someone who has occupied their like identity, you know, and like maybe in one area it’s fine but in another area like it’s not, right? And so you, yeah, you need that diversity of coaches, right?
[00:34:18] Ash: Dusty, I have made so many notes about places we can go just based on today’s conversation. And again, listeners, today was about getting to know who you’re going to be listening to for the next 11 episodes of season three of the show.So, starting next week, we will be back to the format that you’re used to. More conversational, but wanted to catch you up to who you’re listening to and what she is bringing uniquely to this table because you’ve had five years to get to know me.
And you had five years to get to know Cam. You’ve only got 11 more episodes to get to know Dusty. So we wanted to give you the context – speaking of your context matters – the context that she’s bringing upfront. So that way you know where she’s coming from as she shares her perspectives on the topics we’re going to dive into in the coming weeks.
Dusty, for today I think this is a great place for us to wrap. So until next week, I’m Ash.
[00:35:16] Dusty: And I’m Dusty. [00:35:17] Ash: And this was the Translating ADHD podcast. Thanks for listening.
